Different Kinds of Maths.

Maths is taking different shapes and sizes, literally, after looking for how I can involve Little Miss August in more school, and do some slightly different work with Little H#3 at the same time to involve them together.

A while ago I downloaded a great number of Scholastic e-books, as they had a dollar sale. One of them was a shapes fun booklet. I thought a little geometry wouldn't do us any harm, and this was perfect for tracing practice for Little Miss August as well as easy but still useful work for Little H#3. 

She really likes tracing and colouring at the moment and I am really pleased with the new dimension this is giving our mornings.

 Finished shapes coloured in and traced, ready for cutting and sticking.

Big brother Little H#1 helping with the cutting and sticking. Helping sometimes takes patience (!) so this was good practice in co-operation too for everyone!

Little H#3 making his shapes bear with little assistance and patiently waiting while we shared one tube of glue around the family. Note to self: we must buy more now that even that one has run out. I think we do a lot of craft. :) That, in itself, amazes me!

This is the usual maths scene. Math-u-See. We use the little DVD player now for those who want to watch their lessons. Was lovely having everyone gather around the PC to watch everyone else's lesson but it just takes too long to get through the work. While the boys were working, Little Misses were using play dough on the toddler table next to the big table. It was their first time with the home made play dough so we got a lot of mileage out of it. Still in use although the novelty's worn off a bit. Have re-invented said play dough to include a maths activity for Littles some time this week.

And now for the unschooling variety. This is child-led Park Maths.

Mr L and his mum came to the park with us for a play date. He was obviously much heavier than Little Miss August. The children decided that this was  a problem that needed fixing.

Nope.Mr L < Little Miss August + Little H#3

 Mr L + Little Miss June > Little Miss August + Little H#2... only just. Keep trying!

Aha!!!! Mr L does in fact = Little H#2 + Little Miss June. 

Socialisation + Children = Happy mums chatting while kids do their own kind of school. 

No two children were exactly the same age.

It didn't seem to matter...

The Socialisation Myth...

When we are asked about where our children go to school and we say that they are educated at home it is interesting for me to notice that 99% of responses, or concerns about that choice, relate to ‘socialisation’. I don’t like the word and it reminds me of the other word that comes to my mind with regard to school – institutionalisation. Arguably, children who go to school are not institutionalised. Arguably, they are not socialised either.




My own concerns about our decision to home educate, in those moments I feel the weighty responsibility of being in charge of the children’s learning, are never about socialisation.



What does socialisation mean?

Here are some definitions:



1. the adoption of the behavior patterns of the surrounding culture; "the socialization of children to the norms of their culture" (thefreedictionary.com)



2. The process whereby a child learns to get along with and to behave similarly to other people in the group, largely through imitation as well as group pressure. (McGraw-Hill Dictionary of Scientific and Technical Terms, 6th edition)



3. To "socialise" may also mean simply to associate or mingle with people socially. (extract from Wikipedia article)



4. 1. to behave in a friendly and sociable manner 2. to prepare for a life in society 3. to alter or create so as to be in accordance with socialist principles (Collins Concise English Dictionary)



5. socialize verb (TRAIN) (UK usually socialise) “ to train people or animals to behave in a way that others in the group think is suitable” (Cambridge Advanced Learners Dictionary dictionary.cambridge.org)



When most people ask, either critically or with an open mind, about the socialisation aspect of school I suspect most of them are using the term to refer to the third definition above. I doubt most people are sending their children to school for the purpose of socialisation whereby children are all reduced to the ‘norm’ of their culture and that by imitation and group pressure, they will be trained to behave and think in a way which has been decided by anonymous ‘others’?



There are many things, one would hope, our children will not come to take on themselves from society in general, therefore it is an interesting thought when we consider that they are to be socialised and reduced to the behaviour of the majority. We mostly bemoan behaviours, words and attitudes that ‘come home from school’ and lament the fact we cannot do anything about it because it is where they spend most of their time.



I am beginning to think just as there are so many views and interpretations of the word ‘socialisation’ that it is rendered virtually useless in any argument about education. We need an agreed definition of something before we can debate its existence or validity.



So first – the association or mingling with people socially. This does not say “to associate or mingle with people of exactly the same age socially”. When was the last time you were in a room with 30 or 32 people exactly the same age as you? Least of all spending all day every day with them save for weekends and a few left over hours each day. The last time most people found themselves in that situation was at school at the age of 16. Therefore ‘socialisation’ at school will not prepare for a life in Society (whatever society itself actually is – I could go on defining and redefining terms all day). Let’s just think about preparing a child for their life ahead.



So this (the idea of spending a number of years specifically grouped and educated according to age, and sometimes ability) does not appear to be a valuable lesson / experience for the rest of our lives: university, the workplace –where all of a sudden we have a rude awakening and realise that everyone is not our age, does not have the same values and ideas as us (so clearly the adoption of behaviour patterns of surrounding culture, socialising children to the norms of their culture (see above definitions) is either not what is intended by educating children all of the same age together, or it fails miserably).



I was shocked at university to find that there were mature students on my degree course. In fact most of the 18-newly-left-home-year-olds were quite snooty about their presence on the course – and not only that, the lecturers actually seemed to like them and value their opinions…



Then it came to the job hunt. All of a sudden it became apparent that these mature students who had experienced life, done other things before their degree – were more desirable than the graduates who had exactly the same vocational qualification but who had proceeded along the educational conveyor belt without hopping off and taking a tangent in the meantime. Why was this ‘life experience’ more important than having faithfully progressed through educational institutions without ‘wasting any time’ on jobs that would not necessarily further a career, some in an entirely different field? At the point of leaving full time education (and many leave it at different points) each individual student finds their own way, making different choices, having a broad depth of experiences.



So if socialisation does not mean mingling with people of the same age socially (it can be seen how this is poor preparation for later life, and won’t actually get anyone a foot in the job market) why do we hold that perceived benefit of school in such high esteem?



In the alternative – a child educated at home is likely to have parents who want to not only educate their child but who will also want to assist the child in making meaningful friendships with people of all ages, and have the ability to interact in situations with people who are different from them in many ways (by which I mean ‘interact’ - deal with, not necessarily ‘get along with’ but learn how to manage those interactions in a positive way). So experiences are found, by joining groups, making family friendships where a number of siblings will meet a number of similar or different aged siblings for play and / or educational activities – and social skills continue to develop.



One would hope that parents have not left the ‘teaching of social skills’ to schools by the time a child is 5. In reality a young baby begins social interaction at a very early age – far before what we recognise as ‘language’ emerges. Children imitate their parents socially too – so we need to appreciate that we are mirrors for them – they watch, learn, and emulate how we interact with others – in social situations, at the shops, in the car, everywhere they go with us. Home educating continues social and interpersonal development from that point on. We still meet friends, we still go shopping, and we have the freedom to introduce our children to the real world at an early age where they can watch and learn how we interact with it and the others around us.



Yes – children need to play. They need to get along with others. But those people do not need to be all the same age as them, and they do not need to be in a room full of 30 of them, where the teaching methods to a lesser or greater degree- depending on the class, and depending on the ability of the teacher – have to be aimed at the ‘norm’ within the group – the weaker ones have to keep up and the more able have to tarry. (I can remember being ‘held back’ in reading schemes and phonics work because I was not in the right ‘year group’ for the next colour or level. I can also remember helping the older child next to me do her work). Individual needs outside the norm of the group have to be met by extra teachers and helpers – and surprisingly, parents are quite often considered well educated enough despite not being teachers – to be the extra pairs of hands that teachers cannot do without.



In the olden days (and in some rare places still!) children in village schools may have been in a class made up of children of all different ages – taught in one room, all together, by one teacher. Those children were not sent there to learn to get along with a group of children all exactly their own age – they were sent there for their education. This also discounts the idea that a differently aged group of children cannot be taught by one person. Even a large family of 7 children would still have a better teacher:pupil ratio than the village school classroom. There are greater advantages for all involved for say a family of 7 children ranging in age to be taking turns teaching the younger ones, taught together for certain activities, time spent one or two on one with the parent-teacher.



So why is the main criticism of home educating, the lack of socialisation, or the perceived ‘need’ for children to be kept in a group of same age children?



I actually feel that some lessons in life are better learned at home – sibling relationships are certainly a learning environment in terms of sharing, sympathy, empathy, self-control, friendship making. Perhaps adults who have grown up with dysfunctional sibling and family relationships may not have done so if they had spent more time together learning to get along at home? At school and in society we are taught to stay away from people with whom we don’t get along. We can give up and choose someone else from the many people we have contact with. At home we find that we cannot choose our family – learning to get on with them is essential for later life but this conflicts with the message that is given to us outside the home (or advice from those within the family on how to cope with situations outside the family, difficulties at school etc). The trouble is, that advice comes home to roost in many cases. The duality is lost on many, and has only just dawned on me.



So yes, whilst children need experiences and friendships outside the family / outside home:



- it is not essential (nor desirable) that all of these friendships and experiences take place within one arbitrarily restricted age group – and need not be an environment in which the primary goal is an educational outcome – the time for making meaningful contact is limited in such a place in any event



- children need to be able to get along with their family and to persist and work at sometimes potentially difficult friendships and relationships – we need to teach them and demonstrate perseverance within safe parameters – compared with, for example, sticking at something which is potentially dangerous physically and psychologically – for example persecution and bullying in the classroom…



- if our reason for sending children to school is because they don’t have any friends their own age outside school – maybe that is something we have to look at as parents – who are our friends? –are we modelling good friendships, are we prepared to seek out and meet new people in order to give our children extra experience in this area?



- With the plethora of outside school activities and clubs available there are many opportunities for children to interact with others with a little more in common than just their age – it might be a common interest such as drama, art, music, or it might be sharing the same faith.



- It is far more likely that children not ‘in school’ will have the time and energy to engage with others in those interest groups from an earlier age and more successfully – no time restrictions based on the fact it will have a knock on effect for school the next day, activities can take place within school hours for those with a shared interest, and homework, family time and mealtimes are not compromised.



Like-minded home school families? Is that also a myth?! Yes, possibly! I have met so many homeschooled families, and have rarely come across a family with exactly the same views and ‘philosophy’ (of life, or education) as ourselves. They may be home educating for the same primary reason, but may be using completely different materials and approaches as us. Or it may be the other way around. Discipline also differs greatly.



I have met families whose children were a perfect match in playdate and friendship for ours. I have met families whose children were completely different from ours. Behaviour varies greatly. So our children are still exposed to other children in a group setting where they have to find a place within the group, and learn to deal with it. They learn self-control in situations where other children are doing something that our children know is not acceptable to us. I saw an amazing example of that recently. Matthew sees that at scouts every week. But we are in what we consider to be the privileged position of being able to witness, praise and watch over these interactions. We can use the ‘teachable moments’ that arise and we can reinforce the positives that we see.



I would say it’s virtually impossible to keep our children in an environment where everyone has the same views as us, same outlook on life, and where all the parents have the same goal for their children. Firstly – I do not want to, and secondly if I did want to I don’t think I could. What we can do is experience and learn together, and our reference point for all of our experiences is our family values and belief system. Neither the institution which is school, nor any restrictions on educating at home can prevent us from doing that – interpreting our experiences together through our own possibly unique lens – and neither should they.



The real question is education – and that is a wholly different matter. For now though, as a final thought here – whatever happens to be the outcome of our children’s education:



- we can either be ‘responsible for it’ – and be proud of their achievements and feel we have had a sizeable part to play in it

- or we can be ‘responsible for it’ and spend an unquantifiable time trying to make good the gaps / mistakes that come to light; or

- we could quite forseeably spend an inordinate amount of time making good others’ mistakes, gaps in experience, negative experiences with long lasting effects…while those others who are responsible for those mistakes and experiences will be long gone, not accountable for their mistakes and judgements, wholly likely not even aware of the ‘fruit’ of their labour (and certainly not caring about it in the same way that we do as parents – that would be impossible).



So maybe the sum total of that final thought is accountability. We are and feel constantly accountable, and that accountability will never end. We have chosen to be accountable to our children (et al) for what they learn and don’t learn – rather than being accountable to our children for experiences (learning and otherwise) about which we have very little information and over which we have even less control.



I am sure that an eloquent and reasoned argument could be made to come to the opposite point of view as this, although I have never heard one past the first mention of the word socialisation, as though that very word were a case in point. I am sure that many parents have good reasons for sending children to school. I am also of the view that it is probably not right for everyone. Hopefully, though, I have shown a little as to why I think that the mere use of the word ‘socialisation’ is neither the primary reason nor even a compelling reason to send children to school outside the home. In the same way, it is not on its own a valid (and usually not a considered) criticism of the decision not to.

Socialisation...

I made some good observations last week of the boys as we got together with other children of varying ages in different social settings. (Will keep that phrase for our next review, maybe??!).

This week:

-We had a playdate with a friend where they played card games together, construction time with different sorts of lego, outside play. It was great to see, they made their own fun, kept their own rules, and showed good one-on-one socialisation skills. Actually they played as a threesome and no-one was left out, so that is even better.

-We had a mass gathering in the park - a new park to us, so I gave them my groundrules before we went- where they would be allowed to go, etc. They have only met this group of children once before (a fortnight ago) and there were probably 30 or so children of different ages. As it is a group of families, there were slight variations in the attendance, so new children this week etc. All 3 of the boys fitted in - found other children to play with - discovered what their names were :o (!!) and played a long game all afternoon, climbing, running, balancing, improving on the heights they'd previously got to on the spider web. (I only had to rescue one of them (LittleH#3) once!). Each of them found children to play with, and I was most impressed by LittleH#3 doing his own thing with children of similar age, as well as joining in with the others.

-Saturday we had a visit from another homeschooling family with 5 children - and again - great play, no problems, and great social skills.

So we have had differing social experiences all in one week and what all of them have shown me is that particularly LittleH#1 is making new friends easier, is happy enough even the first time being introduced to a new group and finding children to play with within that group. He can enjoy that kind of 'mass play' (the first week they made a hideout with branches on the little climbing frame) and comes up with good ideas and can be part of a group activity without any anxiety or shyness. This is all very different from last year and shows great progress. In addition, he can interact with smaller groups (ie siblings from another family) and one-on-one with new-ish friends. He has the forethought to ask me to arrange to see people again, and has ideas about what they could play together.

I don't know whether these things are now much improved BECAUSE homeschooling is a better social environment for LittleH#1 (to use him as an example) than school (though I think it is entirely possible!). But what it does tell me is that he is in no way disadvantaged socially by being homeschooled, and that even in the year and a half he has been out of school, he is more confident and can socialise in big groups far better than ever before.

I also know from what LittleH#1 says (and what I see) from Sunday School - where he is in a class that I suppose could be compared to school if I was desperate to prove he still spends time in similar situations to the classroom - that he copes well in that environment and has a choice to be either a leader or a follower. I have talked to him about those choices, and really I mean in behaviour and contribution terms. He will tell me how the session went, where he sat, whether he contributed, and what the overall behaviour was like. Some weeks he sits at the front, some he sits at the back. Sitting at the back is not necessarily an indicator of his behaviour or contribution to the session but he will tell me how it went, and that he couldn't get a space at the front but sat at the back and sat still and listened (when others around him maybe have not - I have seen them!!!). So he's also learning when to follow others, when to set an example - and I am pleased to say that this practice seems to be good for him rather than not -but I am so glad he doesn't have to experience that setting 5 other days each week and we can experience all variety of social settings and do well in each.

LittleH#2 is still very quiet and reserved in Sunday School - doesn't say a lot, doesn't volunteer for things but somehow they know he can read and is beginning to write - I think he more than holds his own in those areas. I am not worried about the group thing - because I see him getting on with other children really well when we play - and I also see him knowing when he wants to withdraw - which I am happy with and don't want to force him to change. I am hoping gentleness and sensitivity to his needs at home will give him the confidence to improve on those group 'talking' skills when he's ready.

A few good days...!

By that I mean, we are finally getting back to normal and have had some days that feel full enough and have produced some good work (and great play!).

Highlights of this week have been sending LittleH#1 to scouts for spy night dressed up like a spy (though I do feel that a better spy costume is absolutely 100% normal clothes, I don't think that it would have felt very good... like going to school in the wrong clothes on non-uniform day - we've left all that behind now thankfully!).



The briefcase is full of interesting spy-ish type things - truth drug (Fisher Price Dr Syringe!), mobile phone, digi camera, walkie talkie, secret notes, code (we wrote the code and practised its use - I received a secret message that said "To Mummy I love you"), we made a spy ID card disguised as a credit card that flips open to photo and finger print, a newspaper... etc. Great fun. The dress ups get revitalised a bit through scouts (last year I had to make a Peter Pan costume that can double for Robin Hood). The jacket was a (probably very expensive!) David Jones jacket I chopped to size and hemmed so he could go a bit "Bond-ish" and moved the buttons across for comfort reasons. He seemed to think the jacket needed to fit!


LittleH#2 is writing AMAZINGLY. Really keen, has written a page of 'news' about the weekend, enjoying his (too easy but good practice) "Going on Eagerly" Rod and Staff book, copy writing Bible verses etc.


LittleH#1 is also getting much quicker at maths, has written a few letters to relatives, we have done a lot of Birthday and Special Day Blessing of others recently and in my book that is all good school. School of life as well as work I count as homeschool.


And LittleH#3 - well, he is really enjoying his "About 3" Rod and Staff book. Sometimes I can't stop him - the pencil control is amazing, he is pleased with the results himself, and I can see a new phase ahead of us with 3 children doing work at once! Wow! Only got to be careful I don't recreate at home what I don't believe in really, which is young children doing school before they are ready - although LittleH#3 doesn't sit at it for long and is still very 3 anyway. Have had some nice time with them all or just H's #2 and #3 together doing play dough.


We had a lovely visit from a friend yesterday, and it was great for the oldest 2 boys to have time with an older friend - L is 9, and they played Uno twice, lego, duplo and then some imagination stuff outside. LittleH#1 was beaming after, and thanked me and told me he'd had a fantastic time.


They've also done geography, some amazing world atlas drawing, inspired by a page in "Going on Eagerly", and today did a 150 piece big world jigsaw together- agreeing with each other who was doing each continent, amusing themselves with the characteristics picked out by the illustrators for each country.


I have been asked a question about water's surface tension, so am going to look for a decent bit of science to have some fun and build on that. Kind of back to our eclectic mix, instead of winging it 'naturally'. There is a season for everything and I am working back to a bit more formality and routine I think now.


Also feel its time for DH and I to do some proper praying about the medium and long term, instead of for the strength and ideas to get through each day. Need that too, but I want to re-energise the medium term goals and have a Vision as a family again.

H is for...Holiday!

That is, we are on one.

For many reasons it is not quite what we were expecting. But anyway, for now HouseofH has been turned upside down (probably that should be "the right way up") and we will be back at the end of June.

Its a bit AWOL-ish but busyness leading up to the trip and then family circumstances during (ie so far, and continuing) mean I haven't had time to post or really the opportunity.

So school is definitely "un" although I have made a mental note of the socialising LittleH#1 was engaging in on Sunday at a totally mad family party (at one point around 30 adults around) and I spotted the person he was talking to happily was a high up eduacation type person (retired but still scary) and I noticed how a child will talk happily and engagingly if they notice that a person is "open" to them. So it seems even high up education bods (or some of them) are happy still to converse with children and make themselves 'available'. Perhaps that means that even some educationalists still have good socialisation skills????! At least it means my children are developing theirs...

Anyway we are in another hemisphere (in more ways than one) and as always joy is mixed with sadness and I could refer to a plethora of scriptures but praying that joy will come in the morning and would appreciate other prayers likewise.